The six shooter and the raven’s feather

April 26, 2013 – 3:20 am
Sometimes we forget. We forget what it was like before the darkness consumed. We forget what it was like before the dead nerves and constipated mind. There is this thing called happiness and you may only get a fractured glimpse...but hold on to it for as long as you can because beauty like this is exactly why the pain is so sharp. I look in to your eyes and I see eons of misunderstanding. A stern no, when all you wanted was a yes. When I tell you you're beautiful, it's not just the way you shake that miracle ass. It's not just those God given pieces that make men surrender at your feet. It's you. It's you. It's you. Here we are wondering...will it last? What's going to happen? Well, my princess...love didn't create time, man did, and one minute with you is like an eternity as far as love is concerned.

$46,183.61.

March 7, 2013 – 10:18 pm
$46,183.61 gone. I gave it to charity and to dreams that only a fool would imagine. Personal attacks. Public forums. Judgement. Pleasure. Copulation. Singularity. Insanity. Pure unadulterated anger. $46,183.61 sent to hell and the snowballs have turned to plasmic decay in a world that's reversing time. Nothing already dead is worth saving. I want to be Gavin Newsom. Politician at the top of his game. Deals are made. Champagne is consumed. Long life. Good health. Superficial high class whores afforded with ease. $46,183.61.

Too young. Too old.

March 7, 2013 – 10:04 pm
I'm stuck in this purgatory of too young and too old Trying to understand the self while crawling toward divinity I've been told I'm too smart for my own good...this is true While I see others content on ignorance...a life gone by...you'd think I'd appreciate where I've been and where I'm going... Words are a noose and people aren't good to each other. Ravaged by my own insecurity...I take a hot load of shit in my mouth consisting of the world's insecurity shoveled over gaping wounds of those that left before me. No one cares about the experience. No one cares about depth. No one cares about integrity. No one cares. So why do I?

Sonia Withdrawal

January 12, 2013 – 3:13 am
Tip toeing through the attic of the mind Broken picture frames of hell born memories of you, standing there with those eyes so insane of you, laying naked on the floor, drunk, beautiful of you, in New York City, ready to get the fuck away from this psycho of you, in Los Angeles, turning heads with your music and your body of you, kissing me with lips made of incessant self preservation I hear whispers of words once said and felt You telling me that you found something special about me yoU telling me you found me attractive You telling me you you fell in love with my reckless words yoU telling me you didn't love me any more You telling me that I am nothing but a lonely fat loser yoU telling me you found love in places I could never reach You telling me how much you hate me There is no absolute cure for Sonia. It's something you just have ...

Words that used to…

December 26, 2012 – 1:13 am
She told me to meet her at the Down and Out and I did. when? She's doing sound there. First time doing live sound and in her typical fashion, she has her notebook, scribbling down bits and pieces of information in a way that only she can decipher. This was last night. No...Sunday night and I'm sitting next to her while she does sound and we're laughing, getting along, "Hey, you should add a little more low end to that guy's acoustic." and she agreed and I felt like a contributor and that we were working together. Then James shows up, out of the blue, a man she's been seeing that she tells me she really really likes. and I tried so hard to play it cool and she claims he surprised her and I said, hey, I mean, I get it, but really, did you have to invite him now? she is so getting off on the ...

Pendulum

December 25, 2012 – 3:31 pm
There was man, who wanted to badly to be human. He wanted so badly to be sane. It was this desire to be happy that lead him to a hell that only a handful of people understand. He has money, a good job, people he can call friends, people who are nice to him, people who may even respect him, but this man is alone and this man is very sad and this man is tired of living. This man looks at people dead in the streets, no shoes, full of incurable diseases, forgotten. No one respects them. They have no one to call a friend, they haven't been to Europe and they don't own their own internet radio station and they only live in Los Angeles because Los Angeles will let them live in a card board box on the street where other cities won't. This man sees ...

You want me to leave.

December 24, 2012 – 1:46 am
I didn't have to see you there...showing affection, showing me how much you don't care about my feeling, how much you don't give a shit about how bad it hurts me to see you with another man, a man that is afraid, a man good enough to treat you right, but not good enough to take you to the edge and you treated me like a fool and you said I followed you around, like I was some kind of virus and I was some kind of burden and everything was fine until he showed up. I was ok. He showed up and now I'm a problem and now I'm the awkward situation and now I'm the one who doesn't get it and now I'm the one out of place and now I'm the one you wish would go away. I hate myself and I hate myself and I ...

Dose

October 25, 2012 – 6:38 pm
She comes in small doses I couldn't handle the whole pill I thought I had a hold on her but her power is too much for me There she is...always beautiful Always alive Always amazing Just thinking about her smile makes me hard We laugh and play around and sometimes I get away with more than I expected but she always wins I do love her as much as I know how and she loves the fantasy because she knows how fucked reality can be and all I want in life is to get lost in her fantasies I would loose everything I have for her eyes Let her eyes cast their spell on miserable men such as myself she is the only holy I have ever known and I would give her my last shred of hope just so I could stay a little while longer, smelling her hair, and touching her skin I would let her kill me only to share my dying breath with her lips and ...

Dick in the ocean

October 4, 2012 – 1:05 am
I stare at the ice as it melts under warm water in the sink I'm fascinated by simple things in the physical world You don't want him but you can't leave him You don't want me but you wish you did You're trying to do the right thing on the surface but you're preparing for everything to fall apart You are so beautiful when you're happy I love you when you are happy and excited I love you when hate everything

Still fat

August 12, 2012 – 10:57 pm
With help from pills, I turn my brain on and off I went to the gym and then I ate four turkey patties with nothing I walked back and forth from the studio multiple times It's hot here in LA I have a new apartment I have no furniture I got frustrated with my mother Even though she didn't ask to be involved in my mess I'm not able to pretend like I'm in control I'm not sure if I am I still think of her It still hurts because I know she could care less about me and I look at my fat stomach and know that it was foolish of me to think she could have actually loved me