Surgery Not Soon

April 25, 2008 – 6:52 pm

The pressure comes on hard when I’m not on the pill.  Everyday life seems like a hassle and getting out of bed seems like a senseless formality.  I feel like this is the truth about life and when I’m on the meds, I’m just being fed a lie.  I don’t know what makes me feel this way.  I have a great life overall.  I’ve been able to go places people where I’m from only dream about or are too scared to explore.  But I guess because I’m not living like a rock star or living like a crack head bum, I won’t be content.  Too stupid to be rich, too smart to be poor.  In the middle, with all the other people.  It’s hard being in the middle…because with just a little effort, you could go either way.  I could go all the way down to the bottom pretty easy.  With a little work, I could probably be living in million dollar homes…but the pain is knowing that you’ll never do anything and knowing that life is about waiting for the idiosyncrasies of the moment either kill you, or prop you up for another
spin of the wheel.

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