Life passes you by

January 30, 2007 – 12:11 pm

Life passes you by. You look back in time and regrets outweigh any other memory. Emotionally you’re in hell. Physically you’re in hell. No one was there most of the time and the ones that were I’ve turned against me. I wake only to anticipate sleep. I sleep to pass the time. Nobody told me it would be this way. Making a lot of money. Living in multiple cities that the majority of this country only dreams about and still I’m alone. Alone with my thoughts. Alone in the night. Alone in everything.

Every look in the mirror is another death. Every rejection another knife. Every time I look at someone and they look away, I feel ugly. Every last shred of hope quickly turns to blackness and denial. The days are short and the nights are long. We share this space but we keep bending.

In the midst of the pain, my own gentle touch is enough for me to imagine that someone else is there. I confuse myself on purpose to believe that someone is there but no one is there. There is only myself and there is only the true pain of knowing and feeling. I have serious doubts about my future. I feel like it’s going to come crashing down and that this struggle is going to end in a waste of my life. Never trying. Never truly understanding and never coming forth with the actual truth. Continually lying to myself and blah… this is just fluff. I can’t even get it out now.

This sounds like a 14 year who had a bad day. Tears run down my face and I don’t even know why and perhaps that’s the greatest pain of all.    Send article as PDF   

Post a Comment