Some reason
April 27, 2012 – 1:38 pmyou're not alone you never have to feel like you are whatever happens to "us", i will always be here for you forever, no matter what you need to know that
you're not alone you never have to feel like you are whatever happens to "us", i will always be here for you forever, no matter what you need to know that
Not here
April 23, 2012 – 9:37 pmDeath is her friend and she thinks of the music she would want played at her funeral and I will be sad to see her go, because she is the only thing in this life that has made me happy I don't want her to go but she's tired of this world... Please don't leave me beautiful girl. I'll never find someone like you again...and you know it's true. I love her so much, but I won't cry for her death, but only for my own selfishness. It will be me who will be in pain until the end has pity on my soul, unable to have more moments like those we share now, laughing and looking at each other and looking away, holding each other so tight so we can both feel secure. You told me, "We're damaged goods man!".... What can I do? You don't ask to be born and you don't ...
I hear
April 20, 2012 – 4:24 pmSuddenly I hear everything around me. I hear the bong shake. I hear the change in my pocket. I hear cars on the street. I hear people talking. I hear dogs barking. I hear someone playing The Doors. I hear a couple hating each other. I hear man wish for his last breath. I hear a man smash a bottle off the wall, look at the sharp edges of the broken glass and wonder if he should end it all. I hear the last shred of hope disappear in to thin air. I hear a mother worry about her son. I hear a woman getting slapped across the face for nothing at all. I hear love putting its finger in a blind man's ass. I hear believers loose faith. I hear diamonds sparkling on the ...
Unseemless Integration
April 3, 2012 – 12:43 pmThere we were, in that bar, so dark, unfolding the madness that we know so well. Look at you, so beautiful and strong, your soul giving me a good shot at this thing called life.. You are so beautiful when you're drunk, laughing, with those eyes that stare so deep... You tell me everything and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm with someone who understands the \_depths_/\__of__/insanity\__the way I do...I don't have to lie about who I am, but yet, things are hidden.... I watch you, play your instrument like how life has played you..... You know what they're saying, but they're not saying it...... They look at you but they don't know you....... They don't know you like I do........ For a moment, I felt like those poor Japanese, seeing the tidal wave that tattooed inevitability on their faces, forever frozen in time......... Some things happen, ...
My Hate
February 19, 2012 – 4:38 pmHow can I hate someone so much that their absence leaves me feeling alone. You fucked me over for life. We can't be friends. I can't treat you with respect. I can't look at you as a friend. You stuck a knife in me that can never be removed. You fucked me up for life. For good. There is no forgiveness and being with you is only an opportunity for me to treat you like shit. Everything about you bothers me. I'm also jealous of you. Having never worked for anything, you're sitting pretty and I'm still in the terror. I'm still suffering. I'm still blaming. It's ok to have the double standard. Fuck you. I wish I never fell for your tricks and bullshit. You put a fucking curse on me the moment I met you. I can't forget what you put ...
./.\.
February 6, 2012 – 1:03 amHow does it feel to always be the most beautiful thing in the room? How does it feel to be the girl who can take the breath of ordinary men? How does it feel to be the special something that forces mundane in to submission? Poetry is an insult. You make talented men loose words. Your power is unlimited. Your smile will kill me. Your friendly touch kills me. I'm unable to believe in the existence of a happiness mapped by the impossible possibilities. Believing in God was a laughable until I met you. Nothing so amazing can be created by earth alone. You are one of the angels that makes me question everything. I can't begin to understand until I understand you.
Downfall
January 27, 2012 – 12:23 amAm I in my downfall? Can a downfall be masked by something that seems positive. Can you allow your life to slip away while in the midst of quantifying your success? I forgot how to be better. I've lost motivation in the only thing that keeps my head above water and if I let that go, I will truly be fucked. I used to say, "as long as I keep this job thing going, I'll be fine..." well I'm 35, I have a negative bank balance, I'm fat and unattractive to everyone, I live in a tiny apartment and I have nothing to show for all this "experience". I allow one thing to take over my life. I can't do anything in moderation. I'm a fool who never learned from my own history. This isn't poetry. This isn't a story. This is just vomit coming from the mirror ...
Angsterdam
November 26, 2011 – 4:31 pmIt's 1:05am in Amsterdam. Cindy is here and we are fighting. It seems Europe releases a special kind of rage in her. She keeps accusing me that I'm gay, which enrages me. I guess my co-workers pointed out a gay bar today while we were in Haarlem and asked me if it was my kind of place. Without knowing it was a gay bar, I peeked inside the window and thought, sure, looks like a good bar. This triggered Cindy's homo probe and she was immediately shifted to the gay accusation brain, which surfaces only when she's looking to propel her anger in to the stratosphere. She says I fucked my once friend, Terry Miller, in the ass in San Francisco. Or is it the other way around? I think I have it backwards. Terry fucked me. She's positive of this, ...
She doesn’t care.
November 13, 2011 – 1:18 am"You don't care about me at all." "No I fucking don't. I'm going back to sleep." and I know she means it. She's given me nothing to believe otherwise. But I lie to myself, to the point that words hold no weight. If the words have lost their meaning, then the pain becomes dull. Nothing can be said to wake me from this denial. I feel old and I'm disinterested in most things where people find satisfaction. I can't remember the last time I've had a genuine laugh. My only amusements stems from the lightning flash of disbelief at the absurdity of our world. Those are moments of relief, but they are too few and far between. The remaining seconds are spent believing and knowing that we are all doomed and that the light at the other end, has long since suffocated in the ...
These are the days…
July 3, 2011 – 2:51 pmThese are the days when you can't laugh These are the days when you want to cry, but nothing comes out She left all of my clothes at the Washington Blvd Metro Station I was late picking her up from the laundry mat and she had enough She was always willing to do the things I hated, laundry, clean up around the house and you'd think that would be good enough, but it never was and I tried to be that guy, but I was never really that guy I know what she wanted and I never gave it to her My selfish heart, never believing in us, never believing in myself, never believing in anything I know what she wanted and I wouldn't give it to her I just sit on my ass, complaining, pointing, pushing, ignoring... I don't know why I didn't give her what she wanted Maybe because she deserved to ...